I guess I should have known about this sooner, but yesterday I was introduced to a trailer to a new movie that disturbs me to no end:

WTF?!?!?!?

Will Smith’s demon seed playing the role of The Karate Kid?!?!? Watch that trailer.  He can’t be more than 10 years old!  “Jacket on, jacket off?” (<—see what I did there?) Are you effing kidding me? How does that even come close to “Wax on/Wax off?”  IT DOESN’T!

The news of a Karate Kid franchise reboot floored me like a William Zabka leg sweep.

There’s no way this Hollywood remake will ever be able to match the supreme awesomeness of the original!

Witness:

So.  Good.  There is no debating.

I want nothing to do with this new Karate Kid movie.  NOTHING! I have even joined a group to ban the movie on Facebook! As of this posting, we are a whole 9 members deep and growing by the hour!

Seriously, didn’t the franchise learn anything from “The Next Karate Kid?” I couldn’t even bring myself to watch Part III, because I knew it could never live up to how amazing Parts I and II were.

Nothing can save this doomed project.  Nothing.  This is the worst idea to come out of Hollywood since allowing Moose to audition for a reality TV show.  Somewhere, Hillary Swank is pointing and laughing.

Remember how I said, “When stars call me, they go straight to voice mail?”

More proof.  Almost forgot about this kid who called me the other day.  Maybe you’ve heard of him.  Squeeeee!

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Officer Anthony Diponzio is our hero. As you know, he was shot last January.

He’s now being nominated for America’s Most Wanted All-Star Contest.

PLEASE VOTE FOR HIM EVERY DAY!

I’m starting to see a pattern here.

Last year was a breakout year for Lady Gaga. Wild actions and stage antics, along with well-crafted pop songs propelled her to super-stardom virtually overnight.

This year, Ke$ha’s got next. Notice any similarities between the two?

-Crazy lyrics? Check.
-Wild hair/makeup/fashion? Check.
And the similarity you may not have known? Before they were massive pop stars, Gaga and Ke$ha were nerds, just like US!

Check out this video from Stefani Germanotta (Gaga) in 2005 at an NYU performance.

…And even better, here’s a performance from 13 year old Kesha Sebert (Ke$ha) at a Junior High talent show.

Notes: Gaga CAN actually sing, and is pretty good on the keys as well.  Also, guess we know why Ke$ha uses all that auto-tune, huh? That won’t make it through to Hollywood.

Airport after hours